i'm thankful for...

the fact that my dad is home and safe.

Last Monday morning a bomb exploded in Moscow, Russia at the Domodedovo airport, killing at least 31 people and injuring more than 100. At about 10 AM that morning, I was waiting for a patient at the nurse's station on the 6th floor at work when I heard a man say, "Oh my gosh. A bomb went off in the Moscow airport and killed 31 people." I was instantly filled with the worst dread I think I have ever been filled with in my life. The only time in my life that comes close was when I was mugged in 2006 in Nigeria. This was a different kind of dread. It was a worse dread because I did not know what was going on. I was not in control. I could do nothing.

What I haven't told you yet, is that my dad left for Russia on Saturday, January 22 for a business trip. He was going to be going to different cities and would be back the first week of February. It was just like every other time my dad went out of town for business. He's been traveling my whole life. We hugged and said our goodbyes the Friday night before he left. We said our "I love you"s and "be careful"s and "See you when you get back"s.

Go back to that Monday morning. I was waiting for our patient on the 6th floor, and my clinical instructor went to look for him in the gym. I heard the terrifying news and started pacing the hallway with tears streaming down my face. I was trying to compose myself, wiping away the tears. I'm sure I had mascara stains. Nurses passed and asked if I was okay, and I said the "yea, I'm fine. Thank you", not meaning it at all. I waited and paced for almost 20 minutes until my CI came upstairs. I explained hurriedly that a bomb had gone off in Russia where my dad currently was, and I frantically asked if I could run to the locker room and call my mom. She said "GO!". I ran down six flights of stairs, and up another flight to get to the locker room to my cell phone, the whole time begging God that my daddy would be okay. By the time I unlocked my locker and dialed my mom I was sobbing. She answered. I choked out the question if dad was safe and okay. In my mom's totally calm manner, she replied, "Why are you crying? Didn't you get my email? He's fine." I have never felt more relief in my life. Then, the ugly cry came. I snotted myself for the next 30 minutes.

My mom had been on the phone with my dad at around 10:00 AM, our time. He was at a Moscow airport at the time. He told her he would have to call her back, as his supervisor was trying to get through. Of course, his supervisor had the scoop and was checking in to see his location and if he was safe. My dad had no clue that in the same city, in another airport, many peoples' lives had been lost. He called my mom back and said he was okay. She sent us all the email that I had no access to at work. I talked to my dad later that night, after trying to call him a billion times through the day, and told him how much I loved him through choked back tears. He is my hero. I don't know what I would do without him.

He got back home yesterday afternoon, February 1st, and I got to see him when we dropped their dogs back home. I felt such relief when I got to hug him again and tell him I love him face to face.

My God is sovereign. Monday, January 24 was not the day that the Lord called my dad home, and I am ever thankful for that. However, if it had been that day, I know my Lord would have somehow provided the strength we would have needed to get through it. In the past year, the Lord has been showing me that He is in control, and I am not. I am a control freak, so it is sometimes really hard for me to remember and surrender to the facts that He is in control, and He knows best. I often have a hard time letting go and trusting. Monday, January 24 was another wake up call that He is, and should be, the One in control. He is the only One I can trust. He loves me, a screwed up/non-trusting/control freak girl, beyond measure. I am so glad and blessed that He is in control of this life of mine.

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I just got off the phone with my dad. He called in the midst of writing this post. Tomorrow would have been his father's 100th birthday. He is hurting a little bit right now, and I asked him if he was okay. He replied, "Yes. I just miss him. He was a good man and a good friend." I proudly can say the same of my daddy, my hero.